Its funny I'm having a bit of a hard time writing this blog.. I just can't seem to put it into words what I'm feeling these days. Yes me having a hard time with my words! LOL Anyhow, I'll give it another go...so basically since Francis has arrived things have been so super different. Obviously right! Well its different in a way I didn't even expect or perhaps see coming. I have been so driven in the last three years with Alistair to put my life on hold and put as much time and energy into Alistair to help him get to the best spot he can be (ooo shoot tears are coming..what the heck!)
Anyways, even before Alistair was out in the world we were told that if he survived the first few months he'd turn out like any seven year old. So my mind set has been to live and breath my son and get him to where he needs to be. But at the same time I think I really exhausted myself as it wasn't until this fall that ir really became obvious to us that Alistair will be living with us for the rest of our lives and that there is a very good chance that he won't ever walk or talk.
I know he makes strides but his strides are so different than the average kid. Anyhow, its not at all that we are giving up on these dreams/possible realities...its just that we've hit a new reality that has had to be absorbed. Truthfully, this past winter was difficult for me due to this fact. Acceptance sometimes can be the biggest challenge of all. I also realized this spring that I truly have never grieved Alistair's situation. ie that he isn't going to take the normal path, he has some mental disabilities, and he's going to grow into a man with a varying amount of disabilities in our home and we are going to have to figure out how this is going to work for all of us physically, emotionally and financially.
Plus we have to figure out how to do this and enjoy life at the same time... ie not be defined as a family by his disability but more so that his disability is part of our family ... Anyhow, basically, as soon as we walked in the door from the hospital the whole family dynmaics felt different. Different good! It was like suddenly we were all about family and a lot less about the medical side of things.
I've just been so focused on the medical side of things with Alistair that I really haven't stopped to truly enjoy being mom with him. So now its taking a whole new route as I feel I have to not put all my time and energy into his development. With Francis I don't have to do this and because of this it makes me apply the same enjoyment of simply being a mom to Alistair.
The funny thing is lately he has been doing really well again with his development. He's rolling over on his tummy a ton and playing with all sorts of toyswhile doing so. Its not just rolling once but several times to get to stuff. He's also very chatty again which is lovely as he stopped talking almost completely there for a bit.
So ya, I have to say it definitely is a challenge when the work off each other and both are screaming for Mom's attention. Plus Alistair has gotten into a full on big boy cry with crocodile tears when Francis is getting more attention than him.
But in one way its so lovely to see that he can react this way and have this awareness although it pulls on mama's heart strings and then suddenly there are three rather than two individuals crying in the house! LOL Anyhow, life is fantastic right now and I think this past winter I did grieve about Alistair not being "normal" to the point now that I can move on with a whole new level of acceptance and enjoyment of our new family of four. Everything is a process in life...and this one has been reached! Have a lovely day!
So I had no intentions of posting all these photos but unfortunately someone went into Jason's truck last night and stole his camera which sadly had all our newborn pictures etc. on it and a neat video I wanted to post of Francis and Alistair hanging out together. So fortunately the only pictures or videos of her first weeks are what we do have are on this blog! I do have a couple on my camera but it wasn't working properly so we had taken Jason's camera to the hospital. Anyhow, it could have been a lot worse if this blog didn't exist. Now I just have to see if I can pull the pictures back off. Ce la vie!
☼ Enjoy the Pictures ☼
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| One of Francis's many funny faces. Love it! |
My arm is almost long enough to get both our heads in the picture!
Fabulous Auntie Lise and Francis in the outfit she gave her.
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| Daddy & his little girl |
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| Dad loving being Dad |
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| Francis in one of her many little girl dresses I had way to much fun buying...yes me! |
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| O so cute! |
